Let’s take a dive into an uncomfortable but important subject. Conflict. And more importantly, conflict resolution.
Conflict is unavoidable in the workplace. Here at Acentra Health we often hear of the detrimental effects of conflict and we know it’s one of the leading causes of stress for both managers and employees. But conflict doesn’t have to be a negative experience. When you understand the dynamics of conflict, when you are able to identify its root causes- especially in the workplace, and when you have the skills to develop a collaborative conflict management style, then you can see that conflict can lead to positive changes and growth.
First things first. Conflict really is normal and unavoidable. In fact, conflict is natural. It’s a basic human reaction to inevitable disagreement. Let’s look at what causes conflict in the workplace.
What causes conflict?
While there are all kinds of conflicts that can erupt in an organization or in personal life, there are usually a few underlying causes or themes, such as the following.
Communication: When your concerns aren’t heard; when you can’t find an effective way to express yourself; when the message sent is not the message received or understood; when we only listen in order to reply and not to understand the message. Most of us are guilty of this for sure. But if you are preparing what you are going to say, you aren’t listening. (You may share examples of these miscommunications)
Personality / Behavior : We all have our uniquely personal traits, values, preferences, strengths, and weaknesses. When our individual characteristics clash with others, conflict often results. For example, many of you may know a situation (like an old television show) where two people are sharing a house or an apartment. One is very neat: the other is messy. This difference in their behavior will often lead to conflict in the household. This clash of personalities is a common source of conflict, both in fictional accounts and in real life.
Values: Having different values can cause conflict especially if the issue is related to a highly cherished core value. If you are someone who values always being on time and you work with someone who is constantly late for meetings, this difference can cause come some conflict. In personal relationships, where there is no company guideline to follow, this can also become a source of stress. Along with time, other values can affect relationships such as religion, political affiliations, financial matters and more.
There are positive aspects to conflict.
Many people only think of conflict in a negative way, but it can actually have a positive effect on individuals and an organization. We need conflict in some form to thrive and grow. Almost all growth comes from some type of conflict and when managed effectively, it is healthy and productive.
As a positive force, conflict can improve an organization’s performance. It can lead to constructive problem-solving and help avoid disruptive behaviors. It can energize employees, teams, and departments.
On the other hand, negative conflict can harm the organization and prevent the achievement of important goals. Negative conflict can easily lead to wasted time and money. When allowed to escalate negative conflict can even lead to a confrontation in which employees can get physically or emotionally harmed.
The ideal situation for both an organization and an individual is to strike a balance between the positive and negative forces of conflict. When controlled and used effectively, conflict can create a workplace environment that is open to change, anticipates growth and thrives on innovation- dynamics that have never been more important than they are today.
Warning signs of conflict
As a manager or business leader, it’s important to develop self-awareness and to be able to recognize the warning signs of conflict.
Now that we have a better understanding of what conflict is, we are ready to identify some of the symptoms of conflict. See how many you’ve noticed.
On a personal level, there are a number of symptoms to look out for. You may notice that you:
- start getting defensive, instead of accepting your role in the conflict
- are working against others instead of cooperating with them
- can’t solve a problem because you just can’t deal with the other person.
- have a repeating pattern of problems and interpersonal conflicts.
- want to punish others
- want to blame another person or persons, while not admitting any fault
- expressing negative feelings, especially anger, in an indirect or passive way
In the workplace some of the symptoms of organizational conflict are:
- Disputes: squabbles, arguments, confrontation, and disagreements
- Competition: unhealthy contests related to work performance or resources
- Sabotage: a deliberate attempt to destroy or damage or degrade the work of others
- Low morale: a lack of good feelings towards the organization or feeling apathetic toward the organization
- Withholding Knowledge: this occurs when an individual keeps important information from an individual or the rest of the work group contrary to the business needs
Early recognition and intervention is key for managers. It is important for us all to recognize the symptoms of conflict because it allows us to address small problems before they become big ones.
Communicating effectively to resolve conflict
Effective communication plays a vital role in how successfully you manage conflict. These skills help us to compromise and to be collaborative. Here are some communication techniques that will help resolve conflicts.
Active Listening: This involves taking time to understand what someone is really saying. Active listening is usually a three-part process that ensures that the speaker’s message is understood: The speaker first sends (speaks) the message, the listener receives (hears) the message, and the listener reflects (summarizes what is heard) the message. Active listening sounds simple but is often not used, especially if emotions are high. Practice it enough and it will become a healthy communication habit.
Validating: Accept the other person’s feelings. Do not be hostile, critical, or defensive. Let them know you are willing to hear what they say. Ask a question to confirm how they are feeling, such as “ I can imagine you must be feeling frustrated with me. Is this true?” Ask them if you accurately understood (validated) what they are thinking or feeling. Validating builds and strengthens relationships. Most of us know we can’t always get our way, but we all share a desire to be understood. Plus, we all want to take actions based on a true understanding of others, not on misconceptions or mistaken assumptions. You don’t have to agree with the other person to acknowledge what they are saying.
Positive Assertiveness: Positive assertiveness is a style of communication that enables you to speak up for yourself, while still respecting the rights of others. The other person feels respected and valued by you when you act assertively even if they don’t always agree with you. While an aggressive response provokes your listener, an assertive response keeps communication flowing. When you explain rather than blame, the person feels less defensive. “I” statements are an indirect way of confronting a situation and “you” statements often blame others and are a direct way of confronting a situation. Direct confrontation often communicates an aggressive attitude or behavior (perceived as a threat), which provokes defensiveness on the part of the other party.
Practical tips for successful conflict management
Let’s take some time to talk about some tips and interaction skills that will help when we try to resolve conflict. There is a lot of information here, so you may want to pick one or two to practice the next time you find yourself in a conflict with someone important to you.
Commonalities: When we are in conflict, we often only see the differences with the other person. But try to remember and point out the things you have in common with the person. Starting off a conversation this way, may ease the way to discuss a problem together.
Wait for an answer: When discussing a conflict, wait for the other person to provide you an answer to the question asked and seek to understand, versus just being focused on your own response.
Compliments and interactions: You probably had many positive interactions prior to the conflict. These previous interactions can help. Additionally, in building a relationship, look for ways to compliment another. (Make sure they are sincere compliments!)
Acknowledge that conflict is uncomfortable: It would not be called conflict if it were comfortable. Sometimes acknowledging that the conversation you are about to have or the issue you are going to bring up, is uncomfortable, but because you value the relationship, you feel it is important to discuss.
Practice: Again, we don’t want to create conflict, it will show up on it’s own. But realize that it gives you an opportunity to practice your skills each time. After a conflict is over, think about what worked and what didn’t work. (Maybe create a conflict skill notebook for yourself!)
Choose options that benefit everyone: Come up with as many solutions as possible. The best solutions are win/win situations where both parties feel they gain from the solution. Resist the urge to frame the conflict in terms of right or wrong.
Separate the person from the problem: Identify the conflict, and team up to attack the conflict not each other. Remember we are responsible for what we say and do, so listen to the other person and show concern for their feelings.
Accept that conflict can have a positive outcome: Conflict is natural. Because growth comes from conflict, it’s also healthy and productive.
Respect the other person: Conflict turns ugly when we lose respect for the other person. Don’t let it happen. Remember, the source of the conflict is a behavior or action, not a person.
Take the initiative: Resolving conflict may involve sacrifice, someone giving something up. If it appears that you can’t face the conflict as a team, take the initiative and be the first to sacrifice. Not doing so may mean that the conflict never gets resolved or the situation only worsens.
Look at conflict as a third party: Don’t take sole ownership of the conflict. Picture you and the other person working to solve the conflict together. Face the conflict as a team.
Let Go: After the conflict has been resolved, let go of it. Resolving a conflict means ending it. Bringing it up again only means the conflict was not resolved in the first place.
Seek outside help: Your Employee Assistance Program (EAP) and other workplace behavioral health programs assist managers and employees who are struggling with conflict. At Acentra Health, we have behavioral health experts that consult with organizations every day on all types of workplace and interpersonal conflicts, helping turn these often-sticky situations into a path for positive growth and change. Coaching programs for managers, like LEAD can also be aimed at helping individual managers learn about their own conflict management style and how to build collaborative conflict resolution skills.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Adrienne Moberg, LCSW, CEAP is the Director of Account Management at Acentra Health. Adrienne has over 15 years of behavioral health experience including in EAP, domestic violence, community mental health and substance abuse treatment settings.
Photo by Yan Krukov from Pexels
